Sunday, July 20, 2008

I Cant Take It Anymore

My name is Rebecca, and I hate my life. I hear noises. At night, in the morning, during the day. Its beginning to drive me crazy. At first I thought it was the house, the one I grew up in. I lived with my Aunt Meranda since I was 8. With her and her boyfriend Andy. Im 19 now. An adult. So I decided to move in with my boyfriend Ted. I call him my Teddy Bear. I thought that moving in with him would stop the noises, but it didn't. Whatever it was, followed me here. Noone believes me, they all think Im crazy. Even Teddy Bear, altho he pretends to, I know he doesn't believe. I can see it in his eyes, it scares him. It all started when I was 10. I'd hear noises at night. Not normal noises. Hissing, growling, moaning, clawing, foot steps, glass breaking, banging on the walls. I'd tell Meranda and Andy but they'd just tell me I was hearing things. For my 11th birthday, they bought me a portable cd player so I could drown out the noises and fall asleep, and a night light so it wouldn't be completely dark. It helped at first, but then I started to hear things during the day. Voices. Most of the time, it was so faint, I learned to ignore it, but as I got older, the voices became clearer, darker, more persistant. In 8 years it gradually moved from whispering here and there, to murmuring, a word hear and there, to talking, conversations, to shouting, screaming, and now..the voices are talking to me, telling me things, sick dark things and I cant take it anymore. I've tryed to talk to people about it, but it does no good. I've become a burden for Teddy. He looks at me with this pitiful look in his eyes. Like he wants to save me but he doesn't know how. So I decided to do what the last voice I heard told me. "End it all". So here I sit in front of my video camera, telling my story, for anyone who might wonder, what happened to me. Why Im about to do, what Im about to do. To my sweet Teddy bear, Im so sorry, about all the pain I caused you. I just want you to know that its not your fault. There was nothing you could have done. I truly feel that this is the right thing to do. I know you will hurt at first. But eventually, you'll move on, you'll meet someone else, you'll love again. I know that by me being here, Im only holding you back. You'd never willingly let me go, so I had to do this for us. Please tell everyone, that Im sorry and that I love them, or you can just show them this video. Please dont feel sorry for me, as you've probably notice, Im smiling. Im at peace. The pain is about to end.

She didn't stop the video. She wanted everyone to see her, in her last moments. What the voices had driven her to. She wanted everyone to know that despite what people believed, this was real. This was her reality. She emptied her bottle of anxiety meds in the palm of her hand and swallowed them all with the help of the luke warm water that sat on the bed side table. Next she emptied her depression meds into her palm and swallowed them all. Lastly, she emptied her bottle of pain meds into her hand. Her Doctor had given them to her for her migraines and frequent chest pains. She dropped the last bottle on the floor and laid down and closed her eyes. Waiting for her life to end.

Ted arrived home a half hour later. He had left to go buy some ciggerettes. He had asked Rebecca to come along, but she complained that her head was hurting and she just wanted to sleep. So when he walked into the room and saw her laying there, he thought nothing of it, until he saw the empty pill bottles. He immediately check her pulse. Tryed CPR when he couldn't find one. He dialed 911, screaming into the phone that his girlfriend had taken 3 bottle of pills and wasnt breathing. He told her that he tryed CPR but she wasnt responding. Holding her hand he realized Rebecca's hand was freezing cold. He dropped the phone, knowing it was too late. he stood there in a daze, for how long he'll never know. He noticed the video camera was on. He stopped it and rewind to the beginning of the tape. He sat on the end of the bed listening to his girls last words. Tears flooded his eyes as he watched Rebecca eyes light up as she talked of ending it all. He could hear the loud siren of the ambulance in the background now. Coming to take her away.

7 comments:

doclove64 said...

You did a great job on the story.

Great pic of yourself, you look very pretty!!

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))))))))Awsome story,cant wait to hear what happends next.You are very pretty in the pic.

chat2missie said...

Great story and I love the name of the journal.
Missie

cherry2sweet2eat said...

very good keep up the writing your on my alerts.

fieldpixie272 said...

Very interesting!  Good story!

cherry2sweet2eat said...

So Sad.

Missy said...

Wheeew, I like it! *M*