Sitting on my bed, looking out my window. It looks like its gonna rain. I want to go out and soak in it so bad. But it would be a bad idea if I did. For most people getting rained on was nothing serious, but for me its different. The rain does something to me. Its something that Im not fully able to understand but what I do know is, the rain is not good for me. Not many people know about this problem I have but many people have to deal with the way it affects me. Altho the feel of the rain is so good, it changes me into someone, not so good. Its like im a totally different person. Thankfully, we dont get rain much around these parts but when it does rain, it pours. Sometimes Im only affected by the rain for a few hours, or the whole day at the most. But there have been times where its lasted for days. And the longer im under my rain cloud, the more trouble I seem to cause. Sometimes Im aware of whats going on, other times its like I blacked out and I dont remember anything. Those are the times I hate, and also the times it seems Ive caused the most damage. The one person who knows about my condition other than my brother and a close cousin, is my girlfriend Katelyn. She's usually the one who delivers the bad news when I wake up from one of my black outs. The last time I was told that I went on a rampage, vandelizing peoples cars. Throwing bricks thru windows. Im surprised I wasn't arrested. I dont even remember any of it. But the part that hurt me the most is that I tryed to strangle Kate. At first I thought maybe she was making it up, trying to scare me until I saw the marks around her neck. Everyone has been trying to get me to take this new medication thats suppose to help me but I dont want to. I tryed it once and I dont like the way it made me feel. It makes me feel numb, it depresses me. I want to feel alive. And the rain does that for me. But for now, I'll stay away from the rain. But for how long will I be able to resist it.